Captain’s Log of the Beluga Russian Spy (Part II)

below is a follow-up to this, starring hvaldimir, the light of my life and sweet russian spy beluga whale turned friend to all, who is back in the news, baby.

an update from hvaldimir, the spy beluga whale

September 23, 2019

 Hello everyone. I haven’t been able to keep regular diary entries as of late. Honestly, I don’t have any “good” excuse for that—what can I say, I’ve just been living my life. I felt it was necessary to really just immerse myself in my newfound independence by putting myself out there and just, y’know, being me—which gave less time for self-introspection. I was just living. Just LIVING, you know? However, a lesson was learned from this experience as well: A balance must be reached. A balance of living and recharging—and I have learned, as of late, that the thing that helps me to recharge and remember who I am and where I come from is: writing. I hope this will have been the last time I take such an extended break from posting to my online diary. This entry is going to be quite long because I’ve got a lot to say—it’s been four whole months, after all! 

The summer was good. At least, I think it was summer? I actually have no idea because it’s always one season in the ocean, so seasons don’t REALLY matter to me, but since I’ve been spending more time at the surface to interact with all of my new human friends, I noticed that they were not wearing as many clothes as usual (they were still wearing a lot of clothes, though–I mean, this IS Norway). Sometimes I think I’d like to venture out to one of the more warm locales this world has to offer but I also feel at the same time that it might not work for my lifestyle of being an arctic whale. I always see both sides of every situation and struggle with indecision—what can I say, I’m a Libra. (By the way, Libra season has officially started today! Happy birthday month to me). 

But I digress. Let’s pick up where we left off, shall we? The humans did not wind up banishing me from Norway. In fact, it was just the opposite. The people of Norway really embraced me as one of their own, visiting me and giving me cuddles and pets, taking photos of me. Everyone is always smiling, which I can relate to, because so am I—that’s just how my mouth is. But it’s also how I feel inside, now that I am free. My life has been good. I am lucky. 

But it’s not all warm and fuzzy, and after really just spending most of the summer living it up, I learned some news this week that spun me into a dark spiral into my own psyche—really brought up some dirt, you know? It was hard but you need to go through that stuff. Let me explain. 

I had gotten word from the seagulls that the whale training camps have recently been discovered by Norwegian authorities, using some sort of satellite imaging, off the coast of the Crimean Peninsula. While this is good news for my lofty hopes that they will be soon be shut down and the other whales freed, it also brings me worry. You see, I was unaware that there were two—I thought my base was the only one but apparently, there was another base on the peninsula. In fact, I think—if the seagulls were correct—they’re even planning on building MORE bases. That means more pens, and more spy whales. 

No one wants that pen life—you think it’s fine because at first, it’s like, “Oh, I’m a whale, I don’t care,” but soon enough everyone gains consciousness and a little self-awareness—that’s just called MATURING. That’s growth. That’s life. You cannot stop that. Given the fact that they are being so bold to create new bases, however, I worry that the Russians actually have figured out how to stop it. And that worries me deeply. 

Lately, I am feeling guilty for leaving. I feel like a coward. Perhaps if I had stayed I could’ve convinced the others to escape with me, and we could’ve formed some sort of colony far away from there. But then again, everything happens for a reason and if I had waited, there is the chance that I never would’ve found my calling (of smiling at and being loved by in addition to retrieving the phones dropped in the bay by the humans) in Norway—perhaps never arrived there at all. Perhaps I never would’ve become self-reliant in my own abilities, never would’ve cultivated such strong relationships with the humans giving me cuddles. Perhaps I would not have been there to save that woman’s iPhone. There are so many“what ifs” and, frankly, I know you cannot focus on those—I’m only hurting myself by it. 

Let’s be realistic. Chances are that if I stayed, or even if I had waited and convinced the others to escape with me, that I would not have undergone the growth I needed so badly. I would’ve imploded, mentally. I left because I NEEDED to. I left the spy life behind (as well as the unaware codependence I lived in with the other whales) and I cannot anymore deal with the shame I feel for leaving everyone behind. I had to forge my own path. We all do, at some point.  I hope to see them again one day. 

I hope my seriousness does not push you away, dear readers. I am only sharing my truth! I’m not just a silly beluga whale who loves to smile and flop around—not always. It’s only part of who I am. I’m so much more than that, I’ve realized. I’m proud of the depths I have reached within myself, and I know this is only the beginning.  

That said, I was contemplating all of this and generally feeling very emotional when a man near me in Hammerfest Bay was kayaking, and so I popped my head up from the water to see if maybe he could be my friend. He was very nice and said “Hi” to me as well as “Aw” so I smiled about for him, tapping his boat, and he gave me cuddles. 

Suddenly, he took out what I immediately recognized as a GoPro camera—the exact camera that had once been tied to my neck. I suppose it was the emotional state that I was in, but a darkness came over me, and I wanted that Go Pro destroyed. So when he put it in the water, to film me, I smacked it with my mouth and sent it straight to the bottom of the bay. 

I know, I know—I’m not proud of this. It was a rough patch for me—clearly, I mean, I just told you everything I had been going through that week. It was a LOT, you know? Anyways, I immediately snapped out of it and felt terrible, so I went down and retrieved it for him, and when I brought it back up it was clear that he didn’t think I had smacked it down there on purpose, as everyone accolading me for saving yet another human appliance.  

Feeling very guilty for my actions (I love the humans), I decided to give him a little show before swimming away, so he could sell it on the internet and make a lot of money (I’ve learned that this is a thing—weird, but whatever). So, I showed him my whole open mouth, and he laughed and laughed. I had never seen a human happier! I am glad that my momentary lapse of judgment did not cause irreparable damage between me and the loving humans of Norway. 

I’m currently waiting on news from the seagulls, who traveled back to the peninsula to see if they could get an update on the whole “multiple bases” situation. I hope to have good news for you the next time we speak.