a comparison of the jaws sharks

from the desk of dr. audrey p. farnsworth: the following are notes from my lab. after careful investigation, i have completed my research on the sharks from the jaws movies and have determined the villain archetype for each shark. i am releasing my notes to the public via this website on the grounds that it is my belief that science should be free. all opinions are my own and they are correct.

JAWS

jaws 1, which i believe was his legal name, was the ultimate villain. he was a huge, perfect monster who just wanted to eat. big huge monster who wanted to eat, very understandable, clear motive. but when people got in the way of this, he wanted them dead.

classic. fantastic rude shark. minding his own business and simply being a maneating shark at the beginning, but becoming angry as he learned people were trying to stop him, and therefore wanting EVERYONE dead. this just straight up makes sense. his archetype? classic villain—hungry and evil.

JAWS 2

the shark from jaws 2 started out STRONG. this freak arrives and eats a diver AS HIS CAMERA FLASHES AND TAKES PHOTOS OF THE ATTACK. that is cool as shit, dude. this was about to be the best movie of my life!

except no, it wasn’t, because after that, he is just rapid as HELL for teens, this guy just wants to fuck some teens up. in the first kill we even see, he fucks up TWO teens—the first, a classic chase n’ eat, and the second…well, the second is when we see his true colors, and they are that this shark is simply a pure maniac. he flops right into the boat, not really trying to eat the girl, but freaking her out to the point where she pours gasoline on herself until the shark fucks up the engine and it explodes and so does she. he didn’t do that for food!  jaws 2 is drama! 

let me state this again: jaws two shark was an absolute maniac who just wanted to cause carnage, cause pain—kill. and kill teens, to top that! he spent the rest of the movie attacking teens, not always even killing them, just being an all around dick. at one point, he even peeped his head through a sail extremely aggressively, and honestly, i swear to god, it was simply to SCARE the teens. this shark was simply a jerk. his archetype? maniac.

JAWS 3-D

 jaws three shark was…well, he was kind of a fucking doofus. that and he was pretty passive aggressive, man. he’s the most confusing shark of all the sharks. he was always just kind of hanging around, sneaking up, then sneaking away.

did he even really care if he killed a guy? i don’t know, dude, it certainly didn’t seem that way. his heart didn’t seem in it. he almost seemed…confused. like he…didn’t know where he was going a lot of the time? he’d, like, eat a guy, sadly and softly, and we don’t even really see it, and then he’d just glide away. like. what? hello? you okay, dude? are you going through something?

if the shark was going to talk in any of these movies, it would be this one, because where the fuck are you, man? where is your mind? because it’s not here, that’s for sure! tell me where you are, dude! let’s work through this! his archetype? jesus christ, uh. dumbass? 

JAWS: THE REVENGE

which brings us to jaws: the revenge, the fourth and final of the jawses. and let me just say that the fourth shark came out strong by killing the BABY SON from the first jaws, so it was like, god damn! this guy’s gonna be nuts as fuck!

and then we didn’t see him for…quite a while. and when he DID come back, he just was eating boats! he just chomped on some wood beams, not even caring about or moving to attack the humans to eat them. after that i was at a loss. 

“i can’t get a read on this shark,” i said to my dad, who was sitting next to me. we don’t see much of him (the shark, not my dad) throughout the movie honestly—nothing of substance, anyways. in fact, it’s not until 26 minutes remaining when the shark really comes out swinging, showing us his huge body and face (which are essentially the same thing). i mean, i guess he’s vengeful? yeah. he’s vengeful. i mean, it says in the title that he wants revenge, so, i guess they spell it out for you. personally, i think this shark is mostly a wood-eating freak.

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